It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
