Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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