Christians are straight up FREAKS
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
