When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
