i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
