I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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