Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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