After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
