woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
