I'm jealous of your bromance
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
