i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
