Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
