dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
