I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
