ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
oh god the rape fog is back!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
