Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
