Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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