I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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