Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
