My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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