Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
