i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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