so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
