sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love you.
Bad choice
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
