He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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