It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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