i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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