loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
