i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
