i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
