i don't like sucking hair
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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