After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
