It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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