How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
