Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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