so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
