could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
