Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she smelled like a LAN party
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
