remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
