I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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