I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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