38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
4 words: hood of his car
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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