Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
