you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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