brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
