i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
