Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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