sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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