Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
