I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
