Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
